How To Stay Stressed And Sick :: Health Issues

« Al-Qaeda Fleeing Baghdad | Main | Moronic Emissions »

March 27, 2007

How To Stay Stressed And Sick

Interested in increasing your risk for reduced immune function, cancer, cardiovascular diseases, and even flu? Not a problem, just keep yourself in a constant state of stress. Sandra Kiume at Psych Central offers a few pointers, and says that you should practice the following clinically proven methods:

NEVER EXERCISE. Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.

TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS. The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, [energy drinks] and cola will continue to do the job just fine.

GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM. Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid them.

PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM. Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is mounting a personal attack. Don't take time to listen, be offended, then return the attack!

PROCRASTINATE. Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of stress.

Other factors that can help you stay stressed include loss of sleep.

If you're interested in learning how vulnerable you are to stress, take this stress questionnaire.